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we don't need a doctor, we need a sacrifice

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[22 Jun 2008|12:58am]
water pistols and nurf guns

blackest khan,
the original fucking nigga spittin truth
and every bulletin i post is the mother fuckin proof
i talk shit cause i can and i don't need facts
i'm the realest nigga left and you bout as real as your tracks
so fuck being nice and thinkin positive
all that got me was broke
my paychecks must be comedians
cause the cashier's thinks its a joke
two weeks down the road and only pullin less to than 250
my wallet became bloated from being too empty
people think i bitch alot and cause a lot of shit
excuse me for being angry for not needin to suck on life's tit
and you can call me a dick and you can call me faggot
i'm like live on howard stern, just call me bob saget
or you can call me the one, or you can call me the knot
you can call me when you're horny but most call me from the twat
send me an angel

white girl [15 May 2007|12:43am]
[ mood | dorky ]

i honestly don't know what she expects from me ? i mean she tells me she doesn't expect anything but i have a feeling that i think she WANTS something or maybe she doesn't want something. either way, i have no fucking idea what it is or isn't and i would like to know.

some may call me obsessive or stubborn, but i call it a fool in love or a fool who was in love holding to the fact that he was once a fool in love. i don't know but i do know that these past three weeks have definitely been interesting. as free as a bird, i still feel like i'm being held back and the more i try to cut the ropes, new ones start to form.

i really have no idea anymore.

peace out boy scout

send me an angel

fuck the world, a lot of people got to die tonight [07 Sep 2006|01:19pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

sometimes i just don't understand how relationships work. you think i would know seeing how i've been in a shitload of them. but apparently i don't know shit. i know what i don't like and i know that i want things to change if i don't like them but that doesn't work out that way. it usually works out with me apologizing because if i didn't, nothing would change. i'm not gonna brag and say it's because i'm the most mature in the relationship, but i'm the least stubborn. yes, i am stubborn but at times i can put my guard down and just say i'm sorry. this ends a lot of problems but then the problems i had with the other person still exists because i made it seem like ALL of our problems were my fault. i don't know. i wish there was an easy way to just put an end to a lot of bullshit. what happens when those little problems come again ? do i have to keep apologizing ? what if it's not my fault ? what if i'm just sucked completely dry from all the stress ? oh well, i guess i'll figure that out later on.

in other news, i'm starting up a side project from my current band (stem cell) with my buddy richie. so if anyone knows someone who plays guitar, bass, or drums, let me know. our style is similar to crossbreed, dope stars inc, deadstar assembly, old school static-x, etc.

peace out boy scout

4 angels sent| send me an angel

i will end you.... [31 Jul 2006|11:21pm]
[ mood | chillin and a lil bored ]

alright.....
so yea...
today was supposed to be my look for a job session part 415. lol. but i ended up going to two malls and came out with one application from fashion square. i guess my determination to get a job stops working once the clock reaches 8:45. or it could be i'm tired of looking for fucking jobs at malls because even if i do get one, they'll more than likely screw me on hours and when im not able to work, call me in and then bitch at me when i tell them i can't. hot topic tried to do that shit to me a couple years back. oh well...

so yea.. i'm pretty bored right now. i'm over at amanda's house fucking with myspace while she is making me a dream catcher. GET IT!!!

alright, bitches. holla.

peace out boy scout

2 angels sent| send me an angel

yea thats right, i said it [28 Jul 2006|06:13am]
[ mood | sleepy ]

i miss someone. she knows who she is. i love you dearly and even though i saw you not that long ago, i want to see you again and again.

i love you so much.

peace out boy scout

3 angels sent| send me an angel

in due time.... yea, it happens [16 Jul 2006|04:44am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

i've been wondering a lot lately about myself, my friends, people in general, the place i live, and where my life is going.

i realize the reason i'm not really progessing in life the way i want to isn't so much because i'm lazy as much as it is because i'm not motivated to do anything. basically, i have been living in this apartment for maybe 10 years or more with my mom and her boyfriend john. i left high school over a year ago, the only job i have had since then was working one day in "construction" and the main things i do every day is get up, smoke a cigarette, shit, eat, shower, wait in the house for my friend amanda to get here, we hang out til about 11, then i'm in the house for the rest of the night and the next day is repeated. i know a NEED a job and i need to get back in school and i need to do other things to get my life finally situated but i just can't sometimes because i don't really see the point. i mean, i see the point i just don't have any motivation to do so. usually people will have other people around them to motivate them and keep them going but i really don't. i have people tell me i need to get a job but they are only saying that just to say something. a lot of the people in my life aren't really there for me as much as they just happen to be around me from time to time. at one point, i actually had real friends who were really there for me and we chilled all the time and it was awesome. now, all those friends have moved away and they have their own set of friends somewhere else and i'm here with a lot of people i for the most part can't stand. it's like i kind of dug my own grave in a sense. i started hanging out with all these dumbass wannabe club kids who have no real motivation also and they just get into sex, drugs, and self destruction and i guess for a while i was kind of drugged into that, minus the drugs. now, that i'm for the most part away from it, i'm trying to get my life together but i'm having a hard time doing so. it's like, i'm not really lost, i'm just afraid to fully find myself. i guess, i know who i am, i'm just too much of a pussy to make that person better.

oh well, i'll get it together. in due time... dammit, i just said the title of one of hexus' songs. i suck. lol.

peace out boy scout

4 angels sent| send me an angel

dead and dreaming [13 Jul 2006|04:49am]
[ mood | tired ]

well i guess i have a lot to write about.

i guess i'll start with what i would think would be the most interesting thing to happen to me. tuesday early morning around 12am, i got into a terrible car accident on conroy (the road i live off of). basically, the guy that was driving the car was speeding by a bit on a road that is 35 miles per hour. he was at least doing 60-70. he lost control of the car when he tried to switch lanes and we ended up hitting a black truck on the side of us. we slammed into the truck so hard that the driver didn't even know anything was coming, we flew off a bridge, flipped multiple times, landed underneath water and we had to swim out of the windows of the car underneath water. that was some straight tom cruise shit right there. while it was happening, i kept thinking that i had to be dreaming. shit like this that bad NEVER happens to me. i mean sure, i have pretty shitty luck but this was just incredibly unbelievable. all i got were some cuts and scratches, a chipped tooth, a bloody swollen jaw, leg pains, and back pains. i mean, i'm still in pain but i could have died so i'm thankful as hell that's all i got. the other 4 people in the car got banged up pretty bad but everyone survived. so yea, that was something. lol.

other than that, there really isn't much else going on. my girlfriend and i are doing well though. we've been bickering at each other back and forth for about a month, maybe more now and as of maybe less than a week ago, we stopped fighting and worked things out. so things are going good with her right now. i hope this continues because i really don't need any more stress than i already have. i love her dearly and care about her a lot and much rather be with her happily. lol.

so yea, that's about it.

peace out boy scout

7 angels sent| send me an angel

burn the fucking world [12 Apr 2006|12:41am]
[ mood | calm ]

well this past week has definitely been interesting.

there were good points and bad points. but of course i'm going to point out the bad first.

basically, two "friends" of mine proved that they weren't much of friends as i thought they were. i mean, yeah, i am still "cool" with both of them but i have definitely limited the relationship i had with them. i realize that they are more into themselves than any other on this earth, so i decided not to patronize that kind of bullshit. however, some good has come out of it. i finally realized the truth about people i was wondering about for a while.

moving on, the good news is that i got to chill with alex, lauren, and several others almost every day for the past two weeks. i went from seeing them on occasion to going basically EVERYWHERE with them.

well anyways, thats about it right now.

peace out boy scout

5 angels sent| send me an angel

somebody save me [30 Mar 2006|05:29am]
[ mood | calm ]

if i had wrote this about half an hour ago, i doubt this would have been a pleasant entry but now that i have actually calmed down from another experience of a runin with stupidity, i'm good.

basically, i got caught up in something that i knew i shouldn't but did anyways and felt the harsh reality of it. NO, it wasn't drugs or anything stupid like that. i just had to truly learn what appreciation for the ones i have really means.

moving on, today wasn't so bad. jamie finally came down to orlando and we basically spent the day chillin with melissa. she's definitely fun to be around but i think gives jamie a boner. damn us horny bastards! after we took melissa home, jamie and i headed to ibar because i convinced him to go. he doesn't like the place and neither do i but i had nothing better to do plus i wanted to say early happy birthday to amanda just in case i didnt get to see her the day of her birthday. ibar was boring as hell. i should of just stayed home and called her instead. but oh well.

so here i am now. basically killing time til i go to sleep.

peace out boy scout

5 angels sent| send me an angel

have you ever been inside of the new masterpiece ? [05 Mar 2006|10:14pm]
[ mood | calm ]

alright, my weekend in a nutsack!

FRIDAY :
went to see lunatic candy kreep with man and machines, porcelain black, dead puppets, and some other band at the haven. the show was pretty decent but rather boring. lck didn't play because from what i heard, the band was having communcation issues (aka they were pissed at each other). so that sucked because they were the main reason i went there. i got to see some people i haven't seen in a while so that was all good. sure as hell beats staying at home or going to city walk on a friday night.

SATURDAY :
jamie called me in the afternoon and told me he was coming down to hang out with me. then he called back and said that his little girlie friend wanted to hang out too so he brought her down with him. so he arrived and they hung out at my house for a bit. i wasn't bothered that she came, i just felt kinda like shit because i was supposed to see my girl but i couldn't because her fucking parents wouldn't allow her out the house. so instead, she sat there in the house with absolutely nothing to do and i moped for a little while in the back of jamie's truck because jamie was hanging out with his little thing and i couldn't even see mine. that's busted. but anyways, we ended up going to tijuana flats, fairvilla, and then back to my house.

after they had left, i went over to jeremy's house and hung out with him for a while. i didn't really hang out with nick too much because he didn't show any interest in hanging out with me. so fuck him. THAT'S RIGHT I SAID IT. i'm saying fuck you to everyone that wants to act like little bitches. all of you can take your wanna be important bitchass selves and go suck your dick, like i'm sure you've been doing.

anyways, jeremy and i watched pulp fiction then headed over to twiggy's house so i could get a phone number from her. then we went to see if white dave was home but he wasn't so we hung out with stephen and the others at the apartment.

SUNDAY (today) :
alex and scott came by and we went to festival bay and got to see my special lady. alex called taryn and amanda and they came as well. taryn is alright but amanda gets on my fucking nerves sometimes. together, sometimes they are just annoying ass little immature girls and being around them makes me want to shit out a hampster and stick it in their mouths. other than that, today was awesome. lol.

so, my weekend was pretty decent. if i offended some people, oops. i'm just letting you know how i really feel.

peace out boy scout

6 angels sent| send me an angel

TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY! [05 Feb 2006|12:39pm]
[ mood | happy ]

yep, i'm 20! go me!

peace out boy scout

11 angels sent| send me an angel

another level blocked [03 Feb 2006|01:05am]
[ mood | chillin ]

so last night i ended up going to ibar as usual. they had the main room closed out so everyone was limited to the lounge room, outside, and the danceroom downstairs. although it was kinda of cramped, it wasnt that bad. it was actually one of the best times i've had at ibar, strangely. anyways, after ibar, oz and i headed over to warren's place where he was throwing some kind of party. umm...yea.. that was quite interesting. he drove me around 7:30, i got into the house directly at 8 and went to sleep probably close to 10 in the morning.

today, i woke up 5 minutes before 5 and did absolutely nothing but pierce erin's labret around 8 then headed to jeremy's house afterward but he wasn't home so that was a wasted trip. so i came back, talked to mike on the phone for a while, then amanda, then that's about it. so... here i am now.

anyways, to explain my "working" situation to everyone. i did work over at jess' apartment complex for a little while but then i quit shortly afterward because i felt the job was ridiculous. sure, i was making 8 dollars an hour but the work was tedious and annoying and i know i can find better work than that. so tomorrow i'm going back around putting in more job applications. so, if anyone knows of any available jobs that isn't fast food, please let me know.

in other news, i'm thinking of upgrading my musician's status to more than just keyboards and synths. i want to start doing more programming as well. i guess you could say i sort of do programming but very little. if that side project i'm doing with knives, justin, and cole ever gets anywhere, then i'll be doing more programming. i also want to invest in a midibass. see what orgy started ? lol.

moving on, here is something i would like to say to all my "friends." if you're my friend, then act like it. don't claim how good of friends we are and then rarely talk to me because you have other things in your life that are obviously more important. i do realize the phoneline goes both ways but i'm tired of feeling like i'm the only one dialing a number so if my friendship really does mean that much to you, then get off your ass and prove it. ok, so now that my bitch moment is over....

friday night i'm probably going to go chill with some people so if anyone is interested in joining, please get at me.

well i think i'm done for now.

peace out boy scout

6 angels sent| send me an angel

perhaps we better start at the beginning [31 Jan 2006|12:26am]
[ mood | chillin ]

yea so today was unpleasantly uneventful. i had shit planned out to do but i got a massive headache and vomitted caused by the headache so i just ended up going to sleep in hopes that my headache would go away and it did. my dreams were pretty damn interesting. they made absolutely no sense but usually dreams don't. when i originally woke up today, i had a dream about a girl in particular who will remain nameless. now, i don't really talk to this girl often but i do know who she is and she definitely knows me. anyways, throughout the dream i kept asking her if she wanted to do shit with me over the phone, such as would she want to be my girlfriend, would she let me fuck her, would she let me fuck her in the ass - typical shit that comes out of my mouth lol. yea, so i don't really know the point of that one. the one i had when i woke up from my nap had a lot of people from ibar in it. but the only person i remember talking to in the dream was josh (cross) about absolutely nothing. whatever.

anyways, not a whole lot has happened since last friday to really touch on other than i met up with sammy, casey (my lovely jellyfish lady lol), twiggy, max, damien, iv, elf, tiffany, my sis rayvan, skye, my sis kayla, and a whole bunch of other people at city walk to see rocky horror. that was fun. i was so glad i got to see casey because i haven't seen her in a while and missed having her around because she is just so damn awesome to hang with. after rocky, twiggy's grandparents gave me a ride to 711 then to my house. shortly after i came in, i checked my caller id and saw i had a call from danielle so i called her back. so her and brittney came over for a while and we hung out til nearly 7 in the morning. after that, i went to sleep and that was about it.

sunday, i met up with marvin, manny, sam, and kat at downtown disney in virgin. basically, i had enough time to find them and that was it. i guess kat had to be home early because of her parents so all we really did was circle around virgin once, met these two kids who wanted to use my phone so i told manny to let them use his because i don't have one, and we took band pictures. after that, kat drove all of us over to marvin and sam's house then i went home a little while after. later that night, i got in touch with damien and he decided he was bored and so was i so i called up jeremy and see if he wanted to chill with us. he did just that as well as brought nick and picked up john. that was pretty damn entertaining. so that was about it.

now, i'm chillin here bored as usual and watchin some show with flava flav in it on vh1.

peace out boy scout

4 angels sent| send me an angel

new slave nation [28 Jan 2006|05:36am]
[ mood | happy ]

alright, so i went to the crossbreed / end of the rope show last night and it was fucking amazing! i haven't seen crossbreed since a few years back with orgy and forgot how kickass they are. the car ride there and back was even pretty kickass. i even got to talk with this really cute chick who said she met me at the castle but my bad memory prevented me from remembering so yea. i can't really express how awesome that show was.

anyways, i started working at cypress key apartments as part of a cleaning crew. however, i was too thrilled on continuing doing that bullshit work so i only worked one day and then didn't go back the next. i figured it didn't really matter because it's not as if i had to fill out an application or go through an interview. manny called, asked if i wanted a job, i did, i showed up 8 in the morning, met up with this chick who is supposed to be the boss, she gave me something to do then i did it. thats it. so i don't feel to bad about losing that. i much rather be doing basically ANYTHING else than picking up garbage off the ground for 8 hours.

moving on, i have a feeling that this weekend is going to be pretty kickass. hopefully.

well i'm going to sleep so holla.

peace out boy scout

5 angels sent| send me an angel

backward [17 Jan 2006|06:28pm]
[ mood | bored ]

tsk tsk tsk. these damn kids and their livejournal drama. well, i guess that is what livejournal is for, huh ?

anyways, today has been a pretty boring and uneventful day. i have yet to leave my house but i am hoping that i will soon because being here all day is getting on my damn nerves. it'd be alright if there was something i could possibly do that was somewhat entertaining beside myspace but there isn't. damn me for being a lazy bastard and not getting my license.

moving on, i really don't have much to say so i'm going to stop now.

peace out boy scout

5 angels sent| send me an angel

simplify the way i lie before i get bored [13 Jan 2006|03:15am]
[ mood | calm ]

FUCKS YEA! i finally get the house to myself. well, the room anyway. snowflake has been staying with me since 01/04/06 and had to stay at jeremy's place for the night because he wasn't allowed to stay in my house anymore because john (stepdad) was bitching about him being here. plus, my mom was also getting tired of extra people in the house. i hate to sound like a dick, but when you have one more person in this tiny ass room for practically 2 weeks, it gets fuckin cramped like a black dick in a virgin pussy.

anyways, today was pretty good though. jared (not roddy doddy) came by and picked alex and me up. it took me like an hour to get ready but whatever. first, we went to taco bell. it was funny because alex has this really bad habbit of ordering a lot of food when someone else is paying for it when he was specifically told not to get that much. oh well, he has done that to me like 4 times and did it to jared today. after that, we picked taryn up then amanda. then we all headed to the mall for a while before it got packed. i was suprised to see the mall practically empty. it was awesome because every time i go it's like a million fuckin people are having a shopping orgy. amanda bought me the deftones' adrenaline album as an early birthday present even though my birthday is in february lol. that was really nice of her though. after the mall, we went back to amanda's house and her mom ordered pizza for alex and 2 boxes of fries for me. well, i think she only ordered one box of fries for me but i ate both of em. oh well, nigga got hungry. so after we ate, we hung around then amanda's mom took us home.

currently, i am enjoying this album and probably going to watch a movie.

be good, niggas and sluts.

peace out boy scout

5 angels sent| send me an angel

this will be your last memory [10 Jan 2006|03:27am]
[ mood | chillin ]

damn livejournal and my need to update it.

last night i went to the lck and dead puppets show at the blue room in downtown orlando. it was actually pretty decent. i've seen dead puppets enough times so i didn't really give a shit about them. i mainly went for lck because they are always fucking amazing live. after the show, kristie (nixon's new girlfriend) gave my brother alex and i a ride back home and that was that.

today, i mainly sat on my ass then around 6:30, anna david came by and my brother and i went to festival bay with her to hang out. well, it was mostly me and anna hanging out because my brother did his usual routine of randomly walking around without telling anyone where he's going. after about an hour or so of being there, i ran into amanda f, erin, and taryn. they always seem so damn lost. fucking white girls, i swear. lol. so we did the whole hanging out thing and it was all good. we left around 8 something and that was the biggest highlight of the day. that and walking up to 711 so i could buy cigarettes.

moving on, i was glad when 2005 was over because i felt that now i could finally have an excuse to put all of the bullshit i've been doing in the past and move on. well, 2006 is here and i'm still doing the same thing. but that was to be expected. it's only been like 10 days into the new year and my mom and stepdad on getting on my fucking case. john (stepdad) was telling me how it's a new year and i should have a job already. OK!!! it's not that he's completely wrong, it's just he's an ass and a crankyass black man that needs to get his shit straight with my mom instead of bitching about what he thinks I'M doing wrong. fucking people i swear. oh well, i'm not too concerned about finding a job because i know i will get one, i just need to stop going to sleep 6 in the morning so my black ass can get up and go look for a job throughout the day.

anyways, apparently i'm in this band hexus. they just kind of adopted me, which is pretty cool i guess. i've known these guys for a while and they're badass so i have no complaints. i'm also still doing the band with john and trevor. PLUS, i'm supposed to be playing keys for my brother's band when he finally gets that started. PLUS!, i'm supposed to play keys for this industrial band knives, justin, cole, and myself are working on. so many damn things. shit's not even necessary. lol.

okay, well i think i've down enough updating.

peace out boy scout

6 angels sent| send me an angel

you must define strength [14 Dec 2005|02:01am]
[ mood | calm ]

oh man, do i really need a job. i'm beginning to feel as if all i am doing with my life is sleeping, eating, and shitting. that's about it. i know i do more than that but sometimes i feel like all i'm doing is wasting my life away. i haven't had a job in practically a year, which wouldn't be that bad if i was doing something in that time period. i mean yea, i was in school all year but that didn't really turn out that great. i have been putting in applications and i have got some positive feedback but i need more than positive feedback. i need to know that someone is willing to hire me and hire me soon. jamie is coming here tomorrow so hopefully we can go somewhere and i can put in more applications. i really want to work at spencer's gifts. my friend mike works there and i put in an app one day while he was working so hopefully they'll give me a call if they need employees.

other than that, things have been pretty much ok. the band i'm in with john and trevor is going along pretty nicely. i decided that the band i was in with knives and cross wasn't going anywhere and wasn't even really a band. it was more of one guy talking about what they want to do and two others guys just there listening to it. i just wanted to write and play. oh well. anyways, we haven't come up with a name yet but we're working on it. so far we have written three songs in 4 band practices so i think we are moving along pretty nicely. i want to make our songs more industrial based so i'm going to work on that soon.

mudvayne is tomorrow and sadly i don't think i am going unless someone can magically produce a ticket for me, which i seriously doubt. on the plus side, static-x is playing with ill nino this friday and i do plan on being there. hopefully i'll be getting my ticket tomorrow. i much rather go to that anyway.

well i think i've touched down on pretty much anything of some importance. be good everyone.

peace out boy scout

5 angels sent| send me an angel

the bored of artdom [27 Nov 2005|08:06am]
[ mood | sleepy ]

I AM FUCKING BORED.

these last couple of days, i've been bitchy as hell for reasons only people i really talk to know of. i'm way past sick and tired of of mixed emotions, confusion, and all that other shit girls try to play me with. so here's something for all of you out there trying to mindfuck me, leave me the hell alone. i've put up with enough of that shit in the past and i'm trying to get away from it, not further into it. so i've decided that i'm done with that.

moving on, today i went to the florida mall to fill out an application for spencer's gifts. after that, i came back home, headed over to melissa's house to say goodbye to her before she left to go to the navy (but i missed her by 5 minutes), then came back home and chilled out til my brother alex called me saying he was coming over. i don't know exactly why he came over but he did for some reason with noelle and trevor. i pierced trevor's eyebrow a 2nd time so now he has two hoops in one brow. they all chilled out here for a little bit then headed home. afterward, nixon stopped by followed by amanda with her sister tracy and ashes. so they came and stayed for like 25 mins then headed out. after that, nixon and i went to chase's house to see if he would take us to city walk to see rocky, which he did as well as joined, which is always cool with me because chase is fucking awesome. so we went and met up with amanda, tracy, ashes, john, i-v, damien, and two girls that were with him. afterward, nixon, chase, and i came back to my place and we bullshitted around. chase left a while ago and now nixon and i are here bored as hell and i'm about to crash.

so that basically sums up my day for anyway that actually gives a shit.

peace out boy scout

2 angels sent| send me an angel

temptation stops here [24 Nov 2005|09:54pm]
[ mood | bored ]

IT'S THANKSGIVING! yay fuckin yay.

my t-giving hasn't been bad at all, just a little uneventful but it's all good.

i've been pretty good lately but just annoyed with a lot of people. especially certain girls in my life (minus one) who have been acting retarded. lol. i don't know. i think people open their mouths too quickly before thinking about what they say. i'm just tired of all these girls claiming they like me so damn much but yet also have interests in someone else. i'm sorry, but i don't play that game. if you want to like someone else, be my guest but don't expect me to think everything is all good. i'm done dealing with confused people. i've been putting up with that shit since i was 14 and i'm i'm way past tired of it.

on the brighterside of things, i think i'm finally getting things together with my life. BOUT FUCKING TIME.

oh well, i don't really have anything else to say.

peace out boy scout

4 angels sent| send me an angel

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